Gulseren’s Story

I am Gulseren, 56 years old. Until my son was 20, I did not need to talk about his bedroom issues, or feel bad when i was thinking the possibility of his being gay. I immediately accepted the invitation of him, which was about going Lambda İstanbul (Lgbtt Solidarity Association.) He did it to make me meet his closest friend’s mother. I was already very curious about his friends. Of course meeting with families was important for me. Then, i began to go Lambda to meet the families upon my son’s invitation. They were making kind of a leaflet thing, adjusting it to our culture and people. We made a contribution to that. Then, we started to meet regularly. We wanted families of children who have come out to themselves come to our meeting. The first meeting was held in a cafe, just in case families may hesitate come Lambda. There was a family and a mother. After this meeting, we made a dinner for families and children also.

 

I really got over quickly and easily this coming out process. I worked 20 years in medicine society and also be part of revolutionary groups when I was young. As I was opponent to all kinds of discriminations, I knew that homosexuality – transexuality was not illness. But I also knew that, if he may be so, he will live lots of isolation, alienation etc. So I tried to be informed about these issues.

 

I generally did not want to do what the society insisted me to do. For example, I did not wear bridal dress on my wedding day. My husband had a jail term for 4 years. After he got off, we did not marry for 3 years. Later on, I lived very happy and willingly pregnancy. I became mother at the age of 33. And we did not make any circumcision ceremony for our child.

 

I did not feel anything about my child’s homosexuality until he came to adolescent age. When I realised, i consult it to a professional psychologist. He had begun to share few things with us, and had most of his time on computer. He was very mute. Actually, he was so talkative, and lovely child. I said, there is a therapist who is interested about youth issues, if you want to go with us, share some topics with him/her. When he accepted, we went there. Therapist just talked to him, and said: “He is very good-looking, sensitive, naive and emotional. He was not brought out as an masculine male (macho) child and also does not like to swear. He also does not like fighting. Don’t worry! If he needs, he will call me”

 

We replied as: “Anyway, we didn’t want it to be anyway. We wanted him to be child with a free view who can express himself in society.” But we were not so relax about this result. Because, when he was very young, another psychologist said: “He is missing father relationship” , and i had been always pushing to his father but seeing that nothing had changed. And then, i went to another therapist.

 

When I told the story, the therapist said: “My child maybe homosexual, and this is an orientation and, that we may not / can not change. I was thinking homosexuality was a choice. But then, I learned that it was not. Psychiatrist said that there was nothing to do: “Don’t keep your love and attention away from him. Support him in every situation. “and, so did we. We made the right decision by going those doctors. Since, there are also many psychiatrists who are homophobic and lacking sexual-gender education.

 

Since the beginning, we shared this issue with the father. We are very open minded, meaning we never experienced resentment and keeping things inside in any situation; always discussed problems in open way, passed by after resolving them. So, we spoke this: “It is what it is.” We accepted. But it was harder to accept for the father. In the beginning we accused each other by saying “You are not giving enough attention…”

 

In therapy, when we were told about the lacking between relation father and son, I told my husband: You don’t spend enough time with him. Actually, we used to spend some days all together. However, weekdays he used to have little time for him. Interesting to say that, as he said, he already had felt it. We were talking about it. Now, he accepts but also ignores. He is not offended. He talks about the general issues with him, joining our family meetings rarely. But he never attended pride march (parade). The sensation of female towards the “gay issue” is different. Men usually tend to see all these relations in more superficial way, also in women-men relations.

 

First, I shared with my sister. I was not in need of sharing it with my mother and brother. However, I already had shared it with my friends. I have very close friend group whom I never hide out. And I was answering honestly when anybody asked. My child is also saying: “Be open to anyone!” I am not feeling this comforts, but still I had hesitations from my family circle. Out of blue, our grand mother (my mother) asked me if he is gay. This is kind of coming out of her.

 

The more we are open to society, friends, family; the change there will be in that homosexuality is perceived. To sustain this change, there is need for LAMBDA and LISTAG.

 

I coming from a classical family. But, since my young age I had a very rebellious soul and in adolescence I used to read a lot of things about sexuality. There was EROS, in many volumes. I used to read them. I had a lot of knowledge about sexuality before my marriage.

 

Although we were coming from a revolutionary tradition with my husband, we never gave credit to strict rules and things like “revolution marriage” had our first sexual experience with each other. It was nice. We were open in every issue. I believed that the sexuality between two people concerns those ones. If it is normal for them, then it is normal. That simple. That’s why for me and my husband. It was very open and beautiful. We had our child 3 years later after we got married, and also with a great passion. I even know which night we made him  It means, his sexuality is not our topic. If he is being with a men or women, I never worry it.

 

After I met with Selma, who is my son’s close friend’s mother, we started coming LAMBDA. They were preparing a family hand book. So, we participated. Then, one more family member joined us. Our aim was to support families and share their feelings and experiences after their child come out to them. We are working to support our children’s struggle. Once a week in Amargi or in the house of a family, we meet and talk. Once a month, we cook with children, come together with parents or another relatives who know about their child’s sexual orientation/identity.

 

First Thursday of every month, we come together with the families and the volunteer psychiatrists of CETAD for sharing experience and to learn what is true. There are families that can reach us LAMBDA Consulting Line. Every moment new families are joining us. This is very happy and we have a blog: listag.wordpress.com

 

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I am Gulseren, 56 years old. Until my son was 20, I did not need to talk about his bedroom issues, or feel bad when i was thinking the possibility of his being gay. I immediately accepted the invitation of him, which was about going Lambda İstanbul (Lgbtt Solidarity Association.) He did it to make me meet his closest friend’s mother. I was already very curious about his friends. Of course meeting with families was important for me. Then, i began to go Lambda to meet the families upon my son’s invitation. They were making kind of a leaflet thing, adjusting it to our culture and people. We made a contribution to that. Then, we started to meet regularly. We wanted families of children who have come out to themselves come to our meeting. The first meeting was held in a cafe, just in case families may hesitate come Lambda. There was a family and a mother. After this meeting, we made a dinner for families and children also.

 

I really got over quickly and easily this coming out process. I worked 20 years in medicine society and also be part of revolutionary groups when I was young. As I was opponent to all kinds of discriminations, I knew that homosexuality – transexuality was not illness. But I also knew that, if he may be so, he will live lots of isolation, alienation etc. So I tried to be informed about these issues.

 

I generally did not want to do what the society insisted me to do. For example, I did not wear bridal dress on my wedding day. My husband had a jail term for 4 years. After he got off, we did not marry for 3 years. Later on, I lived very happy and willingly pregnancy. I became mother at the age of 33. And we did not make any circumcision ceremony for our child.

 

I did not feel anything about my child’s homosexuality until he came to adolescent age. When I realised, i consult it to a professional psychologist. He had begun to share few things with us, and had most of his time on computer. He was very mute. Actually,  he was so talkative, and lovely child. I said, there is a therapist who is interested about youth issues, if you want to go with us, share some topics with him/her. When he accepted, we went there. Therapist just talked to him, and said: “He is very good-looking, sensitive, naive and emotional. He was not brought out as an masculine male (macho) child and also does not like to swear. He also does not like fighting. Don’t worry! If he needs, he will call me”

 

We replied as: “Anyway, we didn’t want it to be anyway. We wanted him to be child with a free view who can express himself in society.” But we were not so relax about this result. Because, when he was very young, another psychologist said: “He is missing father relationship” , and i had been always pushing to his father but seeing that nothing had changed. And then, i went to another therapist.

 

When I told the story, the therapist said: “My child maybe homosexual, and this is an orientation and, that we may not / can not change. I was thinking homosexuality was a choice. But then, I learned that it was not. Psychiatrist said that there was nothing to do: “Don’t keep your love and attention away from him. Support him in every situation. “and, so did we. We made the right decision by going those doctors. Since, there are also many psychiatrists who are homophobic and lacking sexual-gender education.

 

Since the beginning, we shared this issue with the father. We are very open minded, meaning we never experienced resentment and keeping things inside in any situation; always discussed problems in open way, passed by after resolving them. So, we spoke this: “It is what it is.” We accepted. But it was harder to accept for the father. In the beginning we accused each other by saying “You are not giving enough attention…”

 

In therapy, when we were told about the lacking between relation father and son, I told my husband: You don’t spend enough time with him. Actually, we used to spend some days all together. However, weekdays he used to have little time for him. Interesting to say that, as he said, he already had felt it. We were talking about it. Now, he accepts but also ignores. He is not offended. He talks about the general issues with him, joining our family meetings rarely. But he never attended pride march (parade). The sensation of female towards the “gay issue” is different. Men usually tend to see all these relations in more superficial way, also in women-men relations.

 

First, I shared with my sister. I was not in need of sharing it with my mother and brother. However, I already had shared it with my friends. I have very close friend group whom I never hide out. And I was answering honestly when anybody asked. My child is also saying: “Be open to anyone!” I am not feeling this comforts, but still I had hesitations from my family circle. Out of blue, our grand mother (my mother) asked me if he is gay. This is kind of coming out of her.

 

The more we are open to society, friends, family; the change there will be in that homosexuality is perceived. To sustain this change, there is need for LAMBDA and LISTAG.

 

I coming from a classical family. But, since my young age I had a very rebellious soul and in adolescence I used to read a lot of things about sexuality. There was EROS, in many volumes. I used to read them. I had a lot of knowledge about sexuality before my marriage.

 

Although we were coming from a revolutionary tradition with my husband, we never gave credit to strict rules and things like “revolution marriage” had our first sexual experience with each other. It was nice. We were open in every issue. I believed that the sexuality between two people concerns those ones. If it is normal for them, then it is normal. That simple. That’s why for me and my husband. It was very open and beautiful. We had our child 3 years later after we got married, and also with a great passion. I even know which night we made him J  It means, his sexuality is not our topic. If he is being with a men or women, I never worry it.

 

After I met with Selma, who is my son’s close friend’s mother, we started coming LAMBDA. They were preparing a family hand book. So, we participated. Then, one more family member joined us. Our aim was to support families and share their feelings and experiences after their child come out to them. We are working to support our children’s struggle. Once a week in Amargi or in the house of a family, we meet and talk. Once a month, we cook with children, come together with parents or another relatives who know about their child’s sexual orientation/identity.

 

First Thursday of every month, we come together with the families and the volunteer psychiatrists of CETAD for sharing experience and to learn what is true. There are families that can reach us LAMBDA Consulting Line. Every moment new families are joining us. This is very happy and we have a blog: listag.wordpress.com

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